I Feel Guilty for Creating Music
The title says it all. Here I sit, in the comfort of my own home, with all my tools & toys, making tunes while the world around me burns. As real wars rage on, and as the country I live in brawls endlessly over it's cultural identity, I feel as though my attention should be anywhere else but myself and my craft. But, for some reason, I can't. I also can't create anything…
This conundrum has permeated deep within me. Most days I struggle to flesh out creative ideas without literally forcing myself to put something into my DAW. Once I get into the flow of things, my mind can tune out all of the noise it usually generates, but the happiness I feel is always bitter-sweet, because I eventually recall the reality that is the world I live in. What's the point of making or building things, if there's no future to enjoy them?
I know that this is a very cynical point of view to carry into my day to day, but it's hard to focus on the positives when signs of impending doom are constantly presented to you everywhere you go. I use 'presented' here very consciously, as I've, equally consciously, not sought out bad news whenever possible. But alas, these days, even turning your phone off isn't enough. I digress, but the point is that I don't feel motivated to think beyond quick tunes & the occasional song remix.
I'm naturally someone who thinks long term. Planning out my future and future creative projects is what has always driven me to experiment and make cool stuff (oh, and you know, live). Without that internal driving force, making art often feels like a task. More than that, it feels childish and "apolitical", whatever that means. Begs the question - should I just quit music and focus on these more "pressing matters"? Or is making art at a time like this in itself a way of rebellion against the usual way of things? I don't know anymore…
This write-up turned out to be a little depressing (lol), so here's some car engine SFX I designed today, to, ummm, lift your spirits:)
Have a good one,
Adi:)